my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
