My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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