cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
