she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
