remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Mom said you looked used
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
