You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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