dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize