Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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