So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
