So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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