You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize