idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
