These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
