Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
