i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
