I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
