I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
