Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
oh god the rape fog is back!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
