Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
