If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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