I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
