The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
