Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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