Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
