he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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