Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Pants are for mortals
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
