i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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