i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize