I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
