Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
