I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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