in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Randomize
