Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
