My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
