Are we in a gay sports bar?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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