are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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