I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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