So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
ttyl tear gas
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
