Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
