I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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