1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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