can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
