I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Oh god it's open bar.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
