i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
