Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
