Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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