This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
4 words: hood of his car
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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