I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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