no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
