People with herpes should wear stickers.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
this hospital has no fireball
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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