I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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