guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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