sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
