I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
