im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
