I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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