Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
