Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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