If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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