dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
