After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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