He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
