I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
