The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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