While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
