Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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