dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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