Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
