She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
