he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
