You're so nebulous sometimes
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
