i was rollin on her like bob the builder
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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