ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
