I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Im part way to drunk.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
