Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
