Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
