From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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