kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
