At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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