i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize