Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
