we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
he just fucked me for my cheese..
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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