When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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