I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
