so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
