Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
