I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
