And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
