Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
