my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
