I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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