Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
