good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
