I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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