This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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