I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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