whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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